Image Credit: Sharon Maguire, Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

Girls love rom-coms. We love to curl up on the sofa with a warm drink and bathe in the delicious, vicarious romance of two super gorgeous actors who somehow seem to have the perfect lives and relationship. It makes us feel all gooey and warm inside and reminds us that maybe true love can exist. Above all, rom coms are cheesy and fun. They distract us from the pressures and worries of everyday life and plunge us into this artificially sweetened world of saccharine love. 

Rom-coms have become associated with women, even labelled as “chick flicks”. It may come across as threatening to some men’s sense of masculinity to kick back and watch When Harry Met Sally (1989) even though it is objectively a great film. Since rom-coms appear to be catered towards women, it would be interesting to examine exactly how the female characters are portrayed in this genre of film. By the end of the movie, even the most ambitious, headstrong, independent female leads appear to have fallen head over heels in love with their colleague/friend/sworn enemy. This seems to send the message that a woman deserves nothing more than the validation and attention of a man. At the climax of the film, I can’t help but feel a tinge of inadequacy and frustration, mingling with my satisfaction that the couple finally got together. Is this really the only happy ending women can expect?

Making a good, classic rom-com is not easy. It has to have the perfect balance of initial tension and chemistry between the two leads, a good ensemble of background characters and an outrageous, over the top, gratifying finale. There are plenty of mediocre ones out there, where all that seems to happen is two people stubbornly and steadfastly refuse to get together for no apparent reason until the very end of the movie. But the good ones are very good, one of my particular favourites being the original Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001). The film portrays an awkward, good-humoured woman trying to get by in modern life and charming us with her delightfully real and ultimately human struggles. It is based on possibly the original rom-com by Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, which I think was the blueprint for the enemies to lovers trope. By the time I’d finished watching Bridget Jones I’d fallen more in love with Bridget as a character and woman, than her relationship with Mark Darcy (however dreamy Colin Firth may be). However, I can’t help but feel that the endings of rom-coms are somewhat holding back strong women who are just finding their way in the world. The illusion of the “happy ending” creates the fantasy that now that the heroine has found her man everything in her life is perfect. This is a false and even dangerous misconception. I wonder how many women who grew up on rom-coms associate their happy ending and a fair bit of their own value with finding a partner? But I steadfastly believe this is not the only happy ending.

The only rom-com I can think of that subverts this convention is My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) starring Julia Roberts. Here, the gender roles are switched, with Julianne taking on the role of jealous, possessive, persistent guy and her best friend Michael taking on the role of horrified “damsel in distress” as his headstrong best friend decides that she wants him and does everything to sabotage his upcoming wedding. Usually in these movies it is the guy who becomes obsessed with a woman and tries to pursue her relentlessly with no regard to if she is in another relationship or has clearly stated she is not interested. I find this subversion rather interesting as I think it highlights the absurdity of this behaviour in more sharp detail and at the end Julianne realises her mistakes and the wedding ends up going ahead. But most importantly the two central characters do not end up together. And it’s not the end of the world. 

Rom-coms may appear to be just silly, fluffy films about people finding love, but I think they hold more power than this. They tell us what we should be dreaming about and hoping for out of life. They design us a fantasy of marriage and happily ever after and portray this as the only option. But this just isn’t true. Every rom-com could have an alternative ending where the leads don’t get together and live equally satisfying lives. Also, the drama doesn’t stop after the credits roll. Actually being in a relationship takes a lot of work, sacrifice and compromise… which is something rom-coms don’t cover because where’s the fun in that? It creates the illusion that being in the perfect relationship is a breeze and should work with no effort or bumps in the road along the way. Again something that isn’t true. This is not to say that there’s anything wrong with enjoying a good rom-com – I’m guilty of enjoying them myself and rooting for a couple to get together. But I think they tell us little lies that seem harmless but may end up leaking into our perceptions of relationships and our own ambitions in life.