Image Credit: Lydia Harper

As the only child living with parents who worked full time, I have found an all-encompassing blanket of loneliness has enshrouded me for my entire life. During childhood I found it comforting, finding solace in my loneliness as I played make-believe in my room, or became absorbed with CBBC or Nick Jr. I’ve never been naturally good at developing friendships, particularly in my younger years where I was often made fun of and overly sensitive so never felt like I needed connection. However, as each year passes I realise that I have yearned for companionship and deep bonds for most of my life. 

That person on group chats who messages and gets no responses is usually me, desperately clinging to one sliver of human connection to assert that I am a part of this world. Tobe acknowledged can only confirm this, while also establishing the ever-present feeling that I am a nuisance. Why does no one else seem to have this deep-rooted need for attachment as I do? How can I get it without showing the desperation that has burrowed itself into the inner-workings of my brain? Turns out the solution was obvious: Instagram. 

I was thirteen when I first joined Instagram, one of the last people in my class as my mum was rightly protective over my internet usage. I never posted anything, too scared of being scrutinised by the masses, but I became absorbed into this world that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Somehow I went from being one lonely teenager in her bedroom, to being involved in the lives of everyone I knew and every celebrity I could dream of, even if that involvement was just tapping the screen. Finally, a community that required no social skills and made me feel like I was a part of something; I was a member of this world through just one Instagram profile.

However, Instagram changed. What was once a place where I could share in my friends lives became a cesspit of anger and division. Instagram is first and foremost a business, and their main aim is to keep me scrolling and the best way to do that is controversy. The algorithm pushes the post with the most comments to the top of my feed and places the comment with the most replies right where it cannot be missed. I become angry at the stupidity of people, at their hatred and unwillingness to let people live. No post is without controversy now, even if it’s just ‘ragebait’ it produces a negativity that I find difficult to shake. Then comes the political posts that are filled with such passion and understandable indignation that makes not only the world of Instagram depressing but the world outside it becomes hopeless too. I no longer leave Instagram feeling connected and instead feel even more lost than when I started. So why can’t I let it go?

If I delete Instagram I am back where I was before; alone in my room with no one to talk to. What makes it worse than before is that the world is lonelier than it has ever been. As a person in my early-twenties, where can I go to develop connections? When university is over, what will I be left with? Hence I keep redownloading this malignant app because it’s the only third space left. It is the only place I can fill up my social bar like I’m in The Sims. 

Loneliness is plaguing our generation and it is unlikely that we will ever be able to go back to where we were even ten years ago. Nevertheless, social media will never fill that void. I have successfully had TikTok deleted for the last three years and I never miss it. Instagram may take some time but deleting it off my phone helps massively. I can still access it on my laptop but that requires effort, and my laziness usually wins. If that seems too much of a commitment for you, consider a screen time control app like Opal. Or what I often do when I need a detox is to just use my spam account with just my closest friends following me, so I can experience a semblance of what Instagram once was.

I cannot look back on these years of my life and see myself stuck in a toxic, unproductive cycle of desperately scrolling for connection. Instagram may have once been a community but that has been lost in corporate greed and political partisanship. Don’t let them profit from your loneliness. I certainly won’t anymore.